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Then there’s his VIP “Tree Experience” package – as if trees need VIP treatment! Newsflash, Bingals, a peanut has more value than your overpriced forest!
And don't get me STARTED on his MILLION-DOLLAR TREE FARM. Who even needs that many trees?! “Award-winning oaks,” “hand-pruned pines” – WHO CARES? He’s got a treehouse mansion, a helipad for his “organic sap deliveries,” and the whole town wrapped around his finger. While he sits there sipping tree sap, MY BEST FRIEND IS GONE. If I see him at the grocery store with his fancy cologne, I swear, I’ll lose it!
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