Recent reviews by SkipperSFMcDs

Know what the biggest immersion breaker is? Having a late game character, capable of putting down three of those massive dogs in one fight, having high teir gear you 'borrowed' from DMC guards, having a damn pump shotgun and plenty of ammo, hell even have both legendary reputations of Elusive and Unstoppable...

Yet looking like death incarnate still can't scare three cannabals from giving up a woman and her baby. Your guy is still a whimpy little ♥♥♥♥ even if you have strangled and beaten down one of those dog monsters easily at the start of the game, and yet he'll allow three scrawny ♥♥♥♥♥ steal his gear.

Phillip is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥' ♥♥♥♥♥ I gotta say.

To the person who designed the Alps.

I hope your family doesn't love you, a group of three on a mission killed five of my people, a mission that only payed 500-700, can't remember, but I DO know they killed five and got another three to run cause they wouldn't stop spamming sleep and the attack that passed my armor and bit directly into my health, and typically rng would cause them to attack the same person and every hit just caused them to poof away out of range.

But hey, least the game is honest, you will die, you will hate your chances...

Now for the actual review? Xcom and Darkest Dungeon had a baby and that baby is sadistic as ♥♥♥♥. In short you want a game that will piss you off ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ get this one, it's damn good, and if you don't wanna die stick to the bandits till you get some higher level guys. Cause as mad as I got at the game, I bought it yesterday and next thing I knew it was ten at night and I was groggy as ♥♥♥♥ given I hadn't slept for nearly thirty hours.

"Huh, this is a game I haven't seen in awhile, I kinda forgot what it was about..."

One hour, and three searches, later.

"Ah right, it was that game where apparently your character controls like a drunk, hits like a wet noodle, and the people you fight are actually kinda spongy compared to you. Now I have a migrane, three people are concerned cause I was shouting, and I remember why I hadn't played this since I first bought it."

I was thinking to write out several paragraphs as to why this game is bad and honestly what the dev could do to improve it, but then I remembered that most of the posts I saw about this game had the people who would say 'Git gud' unironically, know what? they want this story of a drunk that fights like those guys from TABS? Go ahead, have it, I'm hopefully going to remember that this game isn't worth playing. It's not fun, it's not cleverly written, it's stressful, obnoxious, and any simblance of tactics like kiting your foe is apparently worse than just holding down the left mouse button and just trying your best to go in for a kiss.

Edit: I've decided to actually try to get past the first 'part', I'll adjust this review after going through, if I can.

Edit edit: In case you couldn't tell, no, I couldn't in fact get past the first part and apparently I got so frustrated with this wrecked mess of a game that I did indeed step away for a long time, no idea how long, but I do remember that honestly I just hated walking around and bumping into things when I told my guy to stop ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ WALKING and then having some zombie ♥♥♥♥♥♥ decide hey now's the time given the door has a sliiight crack to just barge in and slam a sledgehammer against my head, getting it stuck under one of my arms and cause of the wonky 'battle mechanics' I end up dying cause it decided to tickle my armpit with the 'weapon' part of the hammer.

Yeah uh this is a no from me chief.

If you read no other part of this review, at least read this. Never in my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ life have I ever had a game that fought as much as this one to keep me from playing. I honestly feel like this game, in it's current state, isn't even worth five dollars, not even worth two dollars, but now I'm stuck with this damn game in my library with no way to get my 10 dollars back. Never have I ever had a game make me so angry that I actually want a refund as small as 10 dollars. Yet here we are, don't bother with it's current state and honestly I don't see how people are actually enjoying this game.

Now, to explain.

If you look at the amount played I've played around 65-71 minuites, this is a lie. I've played roughly maybe 10 minuites total while I've spent the rest in the menues trying to get this game to even work. Fullscreen causes the game, actually being in game, to freeze for me, but the main menu fullscreen is kinda fine. 'Okay fine that's normal' I thought, given that Fallout 4 is finicky when I play fullscreen and Alt-tab and Shadow of War plays better in windowed mode. So? I switched it to windowed mode and got it to kinda work.

The tutorial I played had me go blow up a crate 'okay typical space sim stuff' I thought and did it. Then upon sending out my drone it picked up one crate before flying offscreen and not coming back. I waited for about a minuite but, upon seeing the drone was literally gone and I couldn't progress, I decided to restart only to have the game refuse to let me pick a captian and start another new game.

At this point I started to get upset, but I decided to restart the game and give myself a breather to calm down. Afterall, it's in beta, it's early acess, bugs like this happen, it's fine. Well, I started a new game, about 30 minuites on file cause the game lagged while I was trying to get it from fullscreen to windowed and changing the settings, which also caused the game to act up as well till I got it where I wouldn't lag running around a game that honestly looks like it should be on the Game Cube. Again, early acess, whatever it's fine.

But here's the part where I broke. Upon getting the crates, fighting the pirates, and getting to the repair dock in the second part of the tutorial the tutorial message actually blocked the button I needed to press to proceed. "Alright, I'll just see if I can press a keyboard button to flag the repair bay." nope, you can't "Alright fine I'll adjust the screen size."

This, this is what pissed me off, cause adjusting the screen size kept the tutorial message OVER THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BUTTON THAT NEEDED TO BE PRESSED

I SPENT TWENTY MINUITES, TRYING TO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ CHANGE THE SCREEN RESOLUTION AND IT WOULD BASICALLY KEEP EVERYTHING THE SAME ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SIZE.

Again, I will state for the record I have never played a game that actively felt like it was fighting me to actually play it. I've played better looking games on higher settings, settings my laptop wasn't even able to actually use, with no or minor problems. I have never had so much ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ trouble with a game as I have with this one. It's poorly optmisied and honestly there's so much ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ oversight and most of the menu really doesn't even look like it does anything, from changing texture size to changing resolution everything literally looks the same, even after clicking accept and waiting five minuites for the game to go blackscreen for another two before finally getting back to the game only to look the exact same.

And yes, I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TIMED it. I might've spent ten minuites playing this game and the rest I was waiting for the game to actually LET ME ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PLAY IT.

♥♥♥♥ this game. Early acess or no just ♥♥♥♥ this game.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, UNHOLY, CLEAN AND UNCLEAN PLEASE ADD A CART OR SOME WAY TO TRANSPORT MORE THAN ONE LOG/LARGE STONE/LARGE IRON ORE AT ONCE! OR SOME WAY TO BREAK DOWN LOGS AFTER CUTTING DOWN TREES WITHOUT TRANSPORTING THEM AT THE VERY LEAST!

Otherwise, good game, causes my computer to lag though for a few minuites after stopping playing but my computer is a peice of ♥♥♥♥ anyways. 10/10

A text guide on how to play The Surge
1. Watch videos online of other people playing, laugh at their misfortune.
2. Realize that you have experience with soulsborn games and decide '♥♥♥♥ it, I'll do better!'
3. Buy the game.
4. Realize that honestly the combat is slow and sluggish like always playing the Greatsword.
5a. If you were terrible with the greatsword, stick with the Staff or Twinrigged.
5b. If you were okay with the greatsword, try the one handed weapons.
5c. If you mained Greatsword, congrats, you can do all the weapons.
6. Realize a lot of enimies can be beaten by jumping back, then swinging in their general direction.
7. Do this 100x till you get armor/weapons, die twice as much till you can make a full suit and an alright weapon.
8. Get lulled into a false sense of security.
9. Fight Pax, the First Boss
10a. If you live on your first run you've either seen other people play and you're actually amazing for getting through one of the most possibly worst designed first boss for any game, seriously he's harder than some of the later bosses when he should be the easiest, congrats. Skip to 12.
10b. If you died, don't worry, it's actually one of the harder bosses of the game and for SOME REASON they made it the first.
11. Fight Pax 10x or at least till you figure out how to fight him.
12a. Realize most of your weapons are better than his normal drop thanks to not using single rigged.
12b. If you somehow killed him without hitting him with his own rockets, get his 'special' weapon which is marginally better. Skip to 14.
13. Sigh in defeat anyways.
14. Move on to the next area.
15. Get your own drone.
16. Realize it's pretty much useless except to cause minor damage or annoyance to mobs.
17. Realize that there's new armor and weapons.
18. Repeat steps 6-8.
19. Find out about Creo World.
20. Find out about even MORE new weapons and armor.
21. Repeat Step 18.
22. Fight the S&R team leader, a CREO world boss.
22a. If you've beat him, congrats, you finished one branch of the guide.
22b. If you die, follow the next step.
23. Realize that he's literally the player with a staff.
24. Cry now that you realize even blocking is more of a suggesstion.
25. Watch as he does full damage even if you're blocking.
26. 81 damage.
27. Seriously Deck 13 what the ♥♥♥♥?
28. Why is this an early game boss?
29. I got further in Dark Souls 3 than I did in your game.
30. Go back to the main game.
31. Fight another boss that looks like an oversized bayblade.
32. This boss is pretty much 'spin to win' but you're the one getting spun on.
33. Take 25-30 dmg 4x in a spin.
34. Get hit for 82-90 when it slams a leg.
35. Realize your armor and weapons are pretty much the best they can be till you beat either boss.
36. get mad.
37. Remember Cave Johnson's Lemon rant.
38. Realize Cave Jonson didn't have to deal with an oversized Bayblade.
39a. If you beat the top, congrats, you finished the second branch of the guide.
39b. If you've given up, So did I.
40. Uninstall the game.
41. Look up stuff online.
42. Realize most bosses only got harder and more bs, except for Carbon Cat who's pretty much the first boss of DS3.
43. Play a less stressful game, like Darkest Dungeon.

That concludes the guide, here's hoping it helps!

A discription of the average game, in letter form:

To Lvl 99 Loli whatever you name was-

I'm sorry for Tunneling you, you were just wearing a bright red shirt and I have poor eyesight, therefore you were the only person I could see. While everyone else was wearing earthy brown jackets and dull reds, you were shining bright like the moon in the sky. I didn't mean to kill you so fast, but two of your friends got away, even though one of them had to crawl.

I guess you could say I only had eyes for you.

-The Glowy-Eyed Trapper.

P.S. To the Claudette who kept jumping over the pallet about ten times before I headed off towards you, holy ♥♥♥♥ calm down with that ♥♥♥♥ I thought someone else was hiding around the hook and I wanted to chase him off. I get you wanna ride some wood but jesus keep it in your pants lady.

Now, I could be wrong in my assessment out of the four, almost five, hours I've been playing. I'm being paid to level City blocks, kill millitary and civilian targets, and even destroy trees and critical infastructure like power relays and comm towers.

I'm think I might be playing for the bad guys here...

Right so, the game is kinda fun, don't get me wrong. It's a good time waster and kinda is like FTL (Though it doesn't have nearly as much replay value).

What isn't fun is apparently spending 80 minuites getting killed cause of bad luck, then another run going well only to have my ship randomly explode. There's fair, then there's these kind of bugs.

Just saying though, if it's a 'feature' to have your ship randomly explode a WARNING WOULD BE NICE. I was at full hull then I jumped, only to have my ship blow up.

Fix your bugs then maybe I'll rate the game higher than the 5/10 it deserves for now.

So, I recently spent about 4 hours of my day building the Prawn Suit, cause I'm playing on survival, and I took several trips from my base on the surface to my base underground, all of them just fine.

The most recient trip? I fall through the world in my prawn suit by just walking forward while underground, guessing the collision mesh didn't spawn in just yet, and given my Seamoth had this same problem several times due to a slow laptop, I decided to use my jumpjet to move back above ground...only to fall through again, this time able to see the ground loaded under me but without Collision, again.

"Alright, I'll wait and see given my suit just fell through to see if any land loads under me." In short, it didn't. Fell past crush depth and then decided to quit before finding out just how far down I'd end up falling.

Great game, needs an auto-save feature. Will probably have to rebuild the Prawn suit but I'll play anyways.