What makes me a good Demoman? If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here, discussin' it with you now would I? One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and kablooie! I got a manky eye. I'm a black, Scottish cyclops. They've got more f-[censored] than they've got the likes of me. So! T'all you fine dandies so proud so [censored]-sure. Prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable... with an unhappy bloody end.

Oh, they're going to have to glue you back together... IN HELL!

Boom. Headshot. Snipin's a good job, mate! It's challengin' work, outta doors. I guarantee you'll not go hungry 'cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead. Ooh. Dad? Dad, I'm a- Ye- Not a crazed gunman, dad, I'm an assassin! ...Well, the difference bein' one is a job and the other's a mental sickness! I'll be honest with ya: my parents do not care for it. I think his mate saw me. Yes, yes he did! Feelins'? Look mate, you know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes that bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet. Dad.... Dad p-, yeah - put Mum on the phone!

If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth. And then he herded them onto a boat and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together it's called a zoo!

Unless it's a farm!

Hey look buddy, I'm an engineer. That means I solve problems, not problems like "What is beauty?" Because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some mean mother Hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous be-hind? The answer, use a gun, and if that don't work... Use more gun. Take for instance this heavy caliber tripod mounted lil' old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... Not pointed at you.

HOH-SIS

its like Christmas morning