So first thing you need is a cup of tea, to start of your morning.
Once when I was 5 years old I discovered pornography, My parents weren't very happy about my discovery so I had to make a choice.
I got disowned by my own family and I disgraced their honor, let me on my own way to find what I was truly supposed to be.
In my travels I have found many ways to ejaculate, I have figured out my true potential can be measured in cups.
A lonely cold night I figured I should master my ways, and not only did I know what I want but so did my weewee.
As a child of curiosity I was very stubborn to unlock my very potential, Pint after pint and cup after cup I've grown larger and harder, Suddenly I became better and better.
5 Years pass by and I reach my age of 10, A very interesting age and when I did reach this age I reached this age.
But not only did I reach this age, I also reached a very amazing milestone of my own, I knew at that moment, I had to do something that only I could do for this world.
My Swimmers was very potent and strong, Not only could it hydrate your skin to make it smooth and silky, But it could regenerate your cells!
I kept it a secret because I knew what this kind of power could be used for and I was merely interested in anything else but to make the right thing.
So after years of filling cups and pints of magic body fluids, At this point I've reached the age where I could make better decisions, I was 18. That's what I was.
Anyways, After years of doing that, I have finally mastered the way and could efficiently provide 150 tonnes of winners. That's exactly the moment I knew, I was ready...
I had to make my parents proud so when I traveled back with my dirty magazine by my side, The one I found when I was 5 years old, Ripped in pages and covered in sticky substances, pages stuck together and raw filth just running down the magazine and never dried because of the constant wetness.
I finally reached my destination, The home I grew up in at first.
I saw my parents from the distance, I knew they were happy and I was scared, what if they didn't accept me or what if they forgot about me.
I had to do it or I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.. So I grabbed my Wangadoodle and my wet magazine and waddled over. As I approached they looked at me in disbelief, Wouldn't believe their eyes that they looked at their very own spawn..
With my huge dingalong wrapped like a scarf around my neck and liquids still dripping out of the tip they had a very tense stare battle with it.
They yelled at first, Wondering why I was back, How could I not I was wondering.
I've told them about my journey and what I've become without their help, I had to tell them about my secret.
They were doubtful and wouldn't believe me. So I had to prove it to them..
So I grabbed my winkledinkle and started shaking it violently in front of them, trying my hardest to prove to them.
And then it happened...
Explosion of mass destructive spring load of juices just raining over on top of the ceiling covering everything in the house and just pours down everyone giving them a thorough bath.
And they saw, it started healing their wounds and bruises and pains. It was magical, and they felt it, every inch of their body even inside.
That's when their eyes starting changing and looked at me with true belief, they hugged me and told me how much I mean to them.
But I was a fool to trust them, They didn't care about me, of course not, They just wanted me for my mysterious jelly.
I was only in the moment of happiness believing otherwise because I was finally accepted by my own kind, 3 years pass by and they've used me for quite a lot. Selling my special sauce to the public and making their income through me. I knew it was wrong because this shouldn't be known by the public eye. Who knows what it could draw attention to, Maybe a mad scientist or the government could find out and maybe take me away from my family..
I told them about my worries but they kept pushing it and ignore my own warnings..
That's when it happened, The FBI and CIA and every dank known agency force came bursting down through every hole in the house and breaking every wall to get to me. My family was scared and cried while they abducted me away.
I woke up in a strange room with only just one light dangling from the roof and no entrance of air anywhere to be found. Solid square.
They burst through the door violently and grabbed my winky and cut it off..
The end.
PS: They cut my dinkleberries too.