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You're the epitome of failure, a living embodiment of everything that's wrong with gaming. I've seen blindfolded kittens perform better than you on the battlefield. Your lack of skill is so profound that it's become legendary in the gaming community, a cautionary tale for aspiring players everywhere.
I won't hold back the colorful language either, so brace yourself for a barrage of expletives. You're a worthless, no-good pile of digital excrement. Your gameplay is an insult to the very concept of gaming, and your existence in the virtual realm is a blight on humanity. You couldn't hit a target if it were the size of a planet, and your reflexes are slower than a snail on tranquilizers.