SLICKUS DICKUS
DE   Texas, United States
 
 
DAD?...My fat, autistic son didn't like people very much. Actually, I could hardly remember him speaking to other people at all for quite a while. I remember seeing a 90% off DVD called "Marudo, season 5" or something and bought it. When I showed it to him, he screeched happily, plugged it in, and watched all of it in one sitting.

Five days later, he started talking to me about how "Marudo" the Samurai or something could shape shift and create more Marudos. I thought that was super cool! So I went to the store again, and bought another DVD, but this time it was a "Fairy Tale" DVD about a pretty lady and her flying dog. And when I came home, my son was running around with his hands behind his back dressed up just like Marudo. I said "son, what are you doing?" And then he looked at me, screamed something in Chinese, and took out a knife. He threw it right over my head, and yelled, "Hehe, nice work kid, you made me use only 10 percent of my power" and I thought it was a joke until he punched me in the face.

I then took out the Fairy Tale and told him "you will lose your animay privileges if you don't stop this instant, Marudo."

He bowed, "Sorry, Mommy-senpai."

A week later, my son, (Marudo now) came back with a girlfriend, who was dressed up similarly to Marudo except she had pink hair. She looked like Shakuro from Marudo, but she was a bit in the hefty side (250 pounds) pimply, and greasy. I am always pleased when my coochie poo gets social, but this was surprising. She bowed.

"Namaste."

Marudo, did you get a girlfriend?

He looked at me and said something in Chinese again.

The overweight woman than jumped up and made an overreacting high-pitched screech. I guess she was autistic as well.

Another week passed, and I woke up to see my honey bumpkin wielding a weird knife, fighting against another kid dressed similarly.

I ran outside, yelling:

"MARUDO! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING YOUNG MAN?"

But it was too late, Marudo stabbed him in the throat, and he laid there, bleeding. He then looked at me, and said: "I am Yuzomiki Marudo, and I want to become the next Hogoke. Nothing, nobody can stand in my way. Get out of here before somebody gets hurt."

I guess he was ready to leave at 23 years of age.

He ran, arms extended behind him, into the forest.

I never heard from him again, until ten years later. I was searching the dark web for cheap heroin when I found a man in his early thirties, in the same Marudo costume. I read "Yuzomaki Marudo, ninja hitman." and I was proud.
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