A car (probably short for motorised carriage) is a machine which typically features 4 wheels and an engine. It is designed to transport all matter of things like people, animals and furniture at speed. It is controlled through mysterious rituals such as turning a little wheel that is thinner than the ones on the outside of the car and moving pedals which either make the car go faster or try to stop the wheels of the car moving. A car is not to be confused with the CAR, which is an African nation a good distance from the gift shop of the Tashkent Wax Museum. for further information on cars please look here.[en.wikipedia.org]

Please do not refer to a car as a cizzack and do not refer to this guide as 'hizza ta cizzack'

Once you start a new game the first thing you will want to do is remap your controls to emulate this scheme as closely as possible.


You may ask yourself, 'why would I do this when the default control scheme is perfectly serviceable and caters to every need I have?'. And to that I would respond that I am writing the guide and YOU are seeking MY advice.

Obviously there is some workaround you need to do so for example I bound the button for clutch to triangle, the phone to the big touch pad button on my PS4 controller and headlights to R3. There's probably something similar you can do for other controllers. Having the throttle bound to a fairly binary button also means that you are always going as fast as you can which is the point of the game really. Just drop a gear when it gets too much its not a real gearbox you aren't going to have to replace it okay just calm down alright?

Just buy the manual 180, if you dont know how gears work idk what to tell you but the automatic isn't as much fun.

If you genuinely don't have a clue how gears work then in the context of the game you want to drive your RPM Dial (the one without the speed in kmph) to the limiter (the red bit) and then shift up. the lower your gear the faster you accelerate but the upper limit for how fast you can go is lower because of something to do with the engine, I don't know what but just trust me. Once you get to sixth gear you're golden.

If you've ever seen someone play a rally game you'll have heard something like '4 right' or '6 straight'. I think the number is the ideal gear for the turn, if thats not the case then it doesnt matter because the method works. Below is a diagram i drew in ms paint trying to illustrate my point. Its not very good but its gets the point across.


You dont really need to upgrade the engine for a fair part of the game. I managed both bosses with only handling upgrades and a few weight reductions. So remove all of your interior, fit the light roll cage and buy decent tyres first. Afterwards worry about your control arms, coilovers etc etc. Once thats all down then is a good time to start painting it and making it look swagged out.

Watch a few episodes of Initial D and some rally crash compilations for a guide on how to best race. This game does not currently feature any FWD cars which are superior to RWD cars. I don't care how much you heckin love oversteer, you can go directly into a Lidl bakery and kill 4 people, I however in my superior FWD ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ will simply accelerate out of any oversteer and straighten out. You are silly.

There are a few principles to remember when trying to car. Firstly is this one (number 1 (which typically indicates the first of a list)). When going fully carmode its possible that despite your best efforts you may hit something. This is known as a crash, see the below picture for a reference on what that can look like.


The best way to avoid crashing is to not hit anything, now I know what some of you scamps are like and yes I have did meet DMX while I was feeding a large flock of particularly hungry pidgeons. He was a nice guy really although he did let out a bark mid conversation which scared all of the pidgeons away. He had a look in his eyes of true embarrassment as he covered his face in shame. He couldn't help it. 'Why did you bark, DMX?' I said. He never answered my question he simply gestured me to go and leave him to his own business. That was the last time I ever saw DMX. They say lots of things, the proverbial they are full of nothing but things that have been said. But this time I'd like to reference what they always used to say about meeting your heroes. Shouln't be done they said. I don't understand why they said so, DMX came to me as a friend and involuntarily showed me a weakness that you wouldn't expect of such a character and even if it weren't his intention I appreciated it all the same. A good man battling with evil that had burrowed its way into him. I loved 'Its dark and hell is hot'. It was my first album actually.

Cars need fuel to go. This is because they are very thirsty creatures. When you refill your car in the game you should always go for the highest octane content. In real IRL however I cannot afford the highest octane content and instead have to buy the cheaper stuff which i think is bad for your engine in some way shape or form but again, I don't know how because I don't know how cars work.

Before doing anything you should make sure you get all the nutrients you need for the best brain function. Of course this all well but possibly even more important is sleep. Sleep really is a waste of time when you think about it. I waste what, 8 hours a night doing nothing? Unfortunately the brain needs this period of rest so that it can reset after a long day and the body needs this vital time to repair itself. Theres something to do with sleep cycles, if I get 4 hours sleep I can ball out easily but between 8 and 4 and its like I have a flathead screwdriver lodged in my ear in such a way that it has managed to scramble my brains like there's a motocross team inside my skull doing insane tricks and one of them must have a quadbike too because it really is hard to think on one of these days. Maybe I should just try and cultivate more Qi. It not like you can just buy it though or find it easily, I actually have no idea how to cultivate Qi generally. If i could buy it I would probably invest in it, must be in low supply these days and if something is in low supply but high demand then the price rises. This is a theory in economics that supply and demand can be plotted on a chart and the line where they intersect is the ideal price, if the price is lower than this then you're selling yourself short and if the price is higher then you are losing out on clientele. If this is true though then how come nobody wants to have sex with me? Its free. Price has reached 0, why has demand not increased exponentially??? For this reason you can disregard modern economic theory.

Psychonauts. In the level Milla's dance party, you can enter the mind of the character Milla. Its pretty fun until you discover the secret room of her subconsciousness. The room is filled with burning figures yelling 'why didn't you save us Milla?'. Later you discover what had happened in a scrapbook. It turns out she used to work in an orphanage that burned down. All the kids died and now they haunt her in her mind.

Hello guys I hope you have enjoye

Hello guys I hope you have enjoyed this guide deeply and gleaned all sorts of information about


Remember to be kind in the comments, if you leave just 1 negative comment I'm going to be mondo upset like you wouldn't believe.

Please do not drive recklessly on public roads as you are not only putting yourself at risk but other people who are also using the road and it would not be fair if you hurt someone who really didn't want to be hit, or otherwise injured by, a car.